those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
