The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
