You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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