shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
