I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
