Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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