and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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