My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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