I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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