happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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