I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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