that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
