Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
