Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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