if you like me you must not know who I am
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
