Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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