So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
