I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
