i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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