You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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