How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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