Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
