It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
