Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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