I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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