Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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