watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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