Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
