My balls are so social today.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
