I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I showed him my bush... on skype.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
