Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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