So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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