Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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