i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
