i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
