they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
