So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
