My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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