We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
