As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No subtext here. People are naked.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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