Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
