Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
