if you like me you must not know who I am
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
