Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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