whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
