I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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