She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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