So drunk its hurt
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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