you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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