I'm gonna have a badass scar
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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