Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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