This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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