grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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